


Another Meeting

by AnnieVH



Series: Queens of Darkness Sitcom AU [8]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, Gen, Humor, Queens of Darkness, Rumbelle - Freeform, Sitcom, pre rumbelle, queens of darkness sitcom au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 20:56:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5105468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieVH/pseuds/AnnieVH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mal, Ursula and a very reluctant Ella try to convince Malcolm to join them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Meeting

The one called Mal did all the talking. Ursula revised the papers Malcolm had signed, and Ella sat quietly in her chair, begrudgingly observing their little meeting. Malcolm wondered what he was getting himself into. What kind of meeting demands a confidentiality agreement? The whole thing was very mysterious, which only made what followed the more disappointing.

He had to admit that Mal was a good salesperson. She injected as much drama and panache as she could into their little secret. If Malcolm didn't know any better, he would have believed that his sister and her friends were three brave women who earned a livelihood exposing secrets and bringing justice to the world of the rich and famous.

But Malcolm did know better and, after Mal stopped talking, he summarized the whole thing by saying, “So, what you're telling me is that you write a gossip column.”

“That's simplifying things a bit,” Mal said.

“Actually, that's just what it is,” Malcolm argued. “You're the one who's overselling it. Is this an acceptable career for women in their forties now? I thought only teenage girls with blogs did that.”

“He's not interested,” Ella said, uncrossing her arms and getting ready to get up. “Too bad. Oh well! We-”

“I didn't say that,” her brother interrupted. “I'm just... curious. How did you end up in this, uhn, most noble line of work, sister dear?”

There was a little smirk on his face that made Ella narrow her eyes.

“We are very good at getting secrets,” Mal explained, before a fight between brother and sister could erupt. “Might as well get paid to expose them.”

“How much does that even pay?”

Ursula, who hadn't said a word, took a notepad out of her pocket and scribbled a figure down. Malcolm was about to roll his eyes and remind them that they were not in a James Bond movie, when he caught a glimpse of the number. After that, all his efforts were concentrated on keeping a straight face and his jaw from dropping. That was one zero too many for a gossip column that ran twice a week, written by three bored middle-aged women who were probably not even trying that hard. Not that he had actually read it.

“And how much of this would _I_ be paid?” he asked, cautiously, hoping the offer would be laughable, giving him a chance to walk away from that deal with his dignity intact.

Ursula wrote two numbers and pointed with her pen. “This for each published article. This for participating in research, brainstorm, and feedback, to be paid monthly.”

Now he couldn't help but raise his eyebrows. This was enough to survive on until his divorce was finalized. Or until Milah came to her senses. He might even get his own place after a few months.

Mal took over the conversation again. “I know that you think this is just a silly gossip column, but we have a large readership and we take it _very_ seriously. We meet four times a week, minimum. We are constantly in search of new material. And we don't sugarcoat anything.”

“How do you decide who gets published each time? Or even what to write about, for that matter?” he asked.

Ursula said, “We vote on it.”

Ella scoffed. “We vote on it, then we fight about it, then we vote three more times, then we fight some more, slam some doors, throw old arguments in each other's faces-”

“It's a very passionate job, Malcolm,” Mal said, shutting Ella up. “I assure you, you won't be bored.”

Malcolm nodded. Then, he looked at the numbers again. Large numbers. It was far from being the income he was used to, but it was still enough to make him consider.

“You should have a schedule,” he said, absent-minded. “It would probably stop the pointless fights over petty subjects.”

“Alright, let me nip this in the bud,” Ella said, leaning forward. “You are not here to be an equal partner, little big brother. You are a means to an end. We want something new and fresh for our column and _they_ -” she pointed at her friends, looking very annoyed at being the minority in the room, “think a new writer might give us an edge and attract new readers. But you will work _for_ us. You will participate in roundtables and we expect you to pitch in with your own ideas, but _we_ control the schedule, the votes, _and_ the final say in the matter. See yourself as a freelancer, if you will. And a very well paid one.”

It was Malcolm's turn to narrow his eyes at his sister.

Ursula looked at Mal with the corner of her eyes. Judging by what she could see, Mal was thinking the same thing: dealing with brother and sister on a daily basis would not make their meetings any easier.

Taking a pen out of his own pocket, Malcolm leaned over and scribbled something on the piece of paper Ursula had given him. The three women leaned forward to peek at it. Ursula was the first to ask, “What the hell is this?”

“My freelance fee,” he replied. “For publishing _and_ participating.”

“Are you _seriously_ demanding more money?” she snapped. “Out of _spite_?”

“No. I am being reasonable. Won't I have to sign an exclusivity contract? On top of a confidentiality agreement? Besides, since you only write under pseudonyms, I assume I'll never actually get due credit for anything I publish.”

“As if you'd even want to be associated with a gossip column!” Ella said, looking ready to jump across the table and scratch her brother's eyes out.

Malcolm shrugged. “Maybe I won't mind. But since everything I write will belong to the, uhn, what do you call yourselves again?”

“The Queens of Darkness,” they replied in unison.

“Yes. _That_. Since you'll have complete and total control over my writing, this sounds like a reasonable fee.”

“Well,” Ella started getting up, ready to put an end to their meeting, “I'll be caught dead if you think you can bully me-”

“I agree to publishing, but that is it,” Ursula cut in, making Ella shout “ _What_?!”

“And it will be a one-year-long exclusivity contract,” Mal added. “If you get bored, it is not our problem.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Ella urged them. “Shouldn't we put this to a vote?!”

Ursula and Mal raised their hands.

Mal announced, “The majority has spoken.”

“But I-”

Ursula got up, “I'll prepare the paperwork.”

“But I-”

“Welcome aboard, Malcolm,” Mal said, shaking his hand. Malcolm went as far as to smile at her, just because he knew it would make Ella angrier.

“My pleasure, Mal.”

“But shouldn't this be unanimous-” Ella tried.

Mal didn't give her a chance and got up. “I'll see everyone for brunch tomorrow morning. We have a lot to talk about. Someone better tell Belle we will need an extra copy of every newspaper after all.”

 


End file.
